omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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