i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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