I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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