Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
