The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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