that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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