It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
