Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How does one acquire holy water?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
