Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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