tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
