I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
