Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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