her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
