non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
