I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
