I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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