I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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