It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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