I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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