It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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