Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize