Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
