I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
