i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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