nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
