He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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