i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
