I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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