I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
