How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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