Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
