We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
