Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize