he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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