i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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