So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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