So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
