I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
