Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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