birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize