Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
