Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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