have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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