then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
