apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my sisters under your porch take her home
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
