Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
