Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize