my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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