I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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