Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
