the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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