my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
