she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
