the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
