Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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