I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
