Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's never too late to be topless.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
