Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
