a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fill condoms, not promises.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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