i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
