; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
