I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
