The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
