I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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